I think the downside of self awareness, is that you discover that you aren’t always the greatest human… sometimes you are a bit of a jerk, am I right? I am a bit of a jerk sometimes. Our outpour is seemingly pure, but the intentions may be skewed. If you take an honest look at why you do what you do, can you say that your intentions are 100% pure, all of the time? If you answered no, does that mean that we quit, and choose to do nothing at all? (If you answered yes, please email me and teach me your ways because you have obviously unlocked the secret to life.)
A couple days ago, I was stewing in my jerkiness. I hadn’t even done anything, but only because I was crippled by the knowledge of my fleshy intentions.
I was crippled by my own self-realization. It went a little like this: The Father asks me to do something, but I know that deep deep down, my intentions are probably not the best, so instead of doing the thing, I stay stagnant and choose to live into “I am bad, my intentions are bad so I should probably just lock myself away to keep the world safe from me”. While in reality, the Father was saying, “yeah your flesh intentions are there because *ahem* you are a human, but in me, you are not those intentions”
Woof.
Does that make sense?
In Him, we are not condemned! We are not “sinners saved by grace”, we are purely “saved by grace”. You are not bad. You are human, and you are so unbelievably loved by the Father. We must choose to amor up with His word and live into that identity every day. If the enemy can’t get you with “You are not enough”, then he will get you with “who do you think you are?” That’s what the devil does though; he makes you question your identity, and doubt that you are really good at all. If you let it fester or let it win, then the cycle of shame will only continue. Do not bow down and coddle your bad intentions – merely live out the exact opposite because those are your true desires in Christ. Your intentions in Christ and your intentions within your flesh are wholly different entities.. so the choice is, who will you let win?
After this revelation, I wrote in my journal about who I am. It’s icky-vulnerable to me to post things I write in my journal, but I believe its relevant and important. So here’s my soul, internet:
In Christ, I am a mentor.
In Christ, I can feel, hear and see the Holy Spirit moving and working inside myself and others.
In Christ, I can hear my Father’s voice, loud and clear because in Him, I don’t have to doubt it.
In Christ, I am a compassionate woman. Through Him, I weep for the needy, and feel for other people than just myself.
Through Him, I gain a heavenly mindset that enables me to see the world and His people through His own eyes.
In Christ, I gain the spirit of conviction. In Him, I have that ooey-gooey vulnerable feeling of what is right and wrong because with Him, I see truth.
In Him, I am loving, tender, bubbly and assertive. Only in Him, can I be bold, and speak truth.
Without Christ, I am merely my flesh and lose access to my real, authentic identity. Without Him my path becomes darkened. Without my light, how can I tell the difference between a river or a pit? A mountain or a hill? A garden or a desert?
Instead, He takes my hand, and walks me down the path. I am close enough to hear the tiniest of whispers on His breath because He is so incredibly worthy of my ears, and I am just as worthy of His words.
Without Christ, my flesh will always win the battle of a war that the Father has already won. Christ is my key to unlock my God-given calling and the power of the Holy Spirit. While deep, deep down, my fleshy intentions and desires reside, they are not who I am. They are not what I choose to live into, because I wake with the knowledge that Abba has won this war, and I will give Him that glory in the day to day battles.
Father, make me less so I can make you more.
